A Teenager Battling Epilepsy.

I'm Emily, an average 14 year old girl living a normal teenagers life. I live in Lakeville, MN with my parents and my 17 year old sister. I have a boyfriend named Daniel and a few best friends. One day over the summer while my parents were out of town, I woke up and felt a little weird and out of the ordinary. Doing as i do, I just ignored it. I went straight to the shower. No food, water or anything in my system. I remember going into the shower and starting to shave. Then next thing I new everything went black. My sister heard a loud bang not knowing what was going on. She went to check on me and found me on the floor, unconscious, and staring blankly at her face white as a sheet. She called my name but no respond. She ran, got her phone, and called my parents with nothing but fear. My mom listened and told her to call 9-11. So she did. After she talked to them and gave me the phone (I dont remember this, I was still out.) I started talking rubbish to the operator. My sister took the phone, helped me down stares and layed me down. "Stay here, dont move until the ambulance comes, okay?" She said to me as she walked away to tell my grandma what was going on. I fallowed her, with no recall of what i was doing. She found me out side of my grandma's door. "What the hell are you doing?" she cries. I replied with just a jumble of noises put together. She carried me upstairs. A few moments later, The ambulance came. I remember coming back to consciousness and screaming "what are you doing here? who the hell are you people?." "Were here to help you." By then my parents rushed through the door, nervous as fuck and crying. I told them i was just fine.
The next day I was rushed to the doctor. They told me I had a Vaselvegal or something of another, But she suggested I go see a brain doctor who told me i only passed out. No big deal. A week or so later I started 8th grade. I made it through half of the year, Fainting free. Until one day in December at 5 am, I went to take a shower. I was tired and sore. I got in and the exact same thing happened. Except this time My parents came in to find me flopping and shaking on the ground. My father had a sister with medical conditions and knew exactly what was going on. I was having a Seizure. If you don't know what that is, Its a uncontrolled electrical activity in the brain, which may produce a physical convulsion. My Dad took after of what his father did to make Jean(Dads sister) come back to her senses and started yelling, making sure i didnt choke, and making sure i was alright. After a few minutes of my uncontrollable convulsions, I came to my senses and found myself sitting laying next to my sister on the couch, tired, sore and feeling sick. I slept for several more hours. I woke up, confused about what was going on. I started talking to my mom, Asking her questions and being worried as hell. I went back to the Neru to find some answers. It only took an EEG, an EKG, an ultra-sound, and an MRI to find out what I had. I'm assuming you probably figured out what i have, which is Epilepsy. Epilepsy is a brain disorder in which clusters of nerve cells, or neurons, in the brain sometimes signal abnormally. I was speechless. The only things I had on my mind was what am i going to do, Will I be treated differently? What will people think of me? The doctor told me its nothing to worry about. I'll be fine. All i have to do is take 2 prescribed pills a day. The side effects were only moody-ness, But I still feel that way. Their were days I never want to get up and their are days when I can't help but think im different and more worthless than everybody else and me wanting to die. On days like that I ask god "why me? what did i do to deserve this?" Then think to myself that Its better i have this than someone else, and that god only gives you things you can handle. Even though i think that, I still have my worries and doubts.
I started getting the side effects, which were sometimes led to anger. I got mad at everyone, Even the ones I love the most. Like Daniel. It wasn't until a friend of mine told me how badly it was effecting the people around me. I felt even worse which didnt really help. I decided to hide them and bottle them up. Just become silent when i started feeling the side effects. It worked for a while but soon led to my crying at night and having more negative outlooks on life. After long, sad phone calls with Daniel and worrying to a point where i couldnt take it anymore, I confronted my mom on the feelings I were having. It took some understanding and talking through until she got it. After venting I felt better and closer to my mother. I felt more confident on telling my mom about how i felt. It took a few days and some thinking. I finally got it through my head that I can't let these things hold me back or make me feel worse about myself. Having the worries and doubts about me having Epilepsy only made me feel awful. You can't let these things ruin your life or bring you down. You need to live your life while you have it, because you only have one. You have to think of the ones who love, care and cherish you. How do you think they'll feel like if your gone? And don't dare think no one does, because their is at least two people who do, Me and whether you believe in him or not God loves you. Remember that and don't deny it. No matter if you have a disease, troubles at home, confidence issues, or anything else. Remember their are people who you can talk and vent to. Their always their to help, Like me. Everyone has some insecurities or something wrong. But they get through it. Even me, A girl dealing with a disease that changed my life, For the better. So whoever else may discover this, I'm always here. No matter what. And if you decide to leave this earth I will cry and be devastated, Whether you like it or not, or whether you believe me or not. Its true. ♥♥